The Things SD Recruits Are Not Allowed To Do On Site
  1. When asked to recite the Security Division's motto, none of the following are acceptable:
    1. "Don't tell the SCU"
    2. "Spray and pray, it'll probably be fine"
    3. "We die in the dark because E&T suck at their job"
    4. "Requesting SURGE lockdown"
    5. "White suit, P90, and a lifetime of regret"
    6. "ISD can't stop us now"
  2. No codeword exists for "Mass Class-D enema" and there will never be one
  3. A site's warhead detonation is a tragic loss of life and Foundation assets, not a fun activity that warrants celebration.
  4. Stabbing Class-Ds with knives to make the blade red to "re-enact Revenge of the Sith" is no longer allowed.
  5. When speaking to female Class-Ds, "I have spoken" is not a valid response to "I don't want to take off my pants"
  6. Giving Class-Ds P90s and sending them off to fight hostile Groups of Interest is not allowed. It didn't work last time.
  7. Getting "Tim from E&T" to replace the site alarm with "In the Hall of the Mountain King" is absolutely unacceptable.
    1. No matter how funny it may be.
  8. [REDACTED]
    1. Not even if Jasnax asks nicely.
  9. If a test is unethical or incredibly dangerous, Security personnel are required to shut it down. Refusing to shut down a test because "It'll make for a great story" is grounds for termination.
  10. Making home-made action movies with Class-Ds and live ammunition for "monthly movie night" is not allowed. Let Site-75 be the last blood bath.
  11. Replacing tear gas canisters for use in riots with spray paint is strictly forbidden.
  12. Trying to request a site change to SCP-2000's security garrison to "make clones of myself" will not be tolerated.
  13. Superior officers are to be directly addressed by their rank or "SIR/MA'AM," not any of the following:
    1. "Blonde Redhead - For the Damaged Coda"
    2. "buddy"
    3. "retard"
    4. "http://www.roblox.com/catalog/456610676/Color-changeable-sparkle-time"
    5. "sir'am"
    6. "daddy"
    7. "boomer"
  14. An SD Recruit's arsenal consists of a P90, TAR-21, Combat Knife, and a pistol. It does not include any of the following:
    1. Poisonous gas
    2. Water guns
    3. Laser guns
    4. God and anime
    5. Secret Nazi Wunderwaffe
    6. The power to influence the Midichlorians to create… life… [[Edit: I think this one may actually be possible. It would explain the influx of levitating SD recently…]]
    7. "Grenade launchers"
  15. Releasing SCP-008 in sites based in Germany to "play Nazi Zombies" is grounds for immediate execution.
  16. Playing audio recordings of SCP-096 in his distressed state over the intercoms is absolutely forbidden, after the "Great Suicide Catastrophe" of Site 13.
  17. If you join SD, you are required to be a virgin for life. Violations of this rule will be met with execution.
  18. Recruits are not allowed to identify themselves as a trap. Captain Alexonian was a tragic loss that we do not want repeated.
  19. Recruits are forbidden from taking part in the terminating of hostile raiders.
  20. Using the restroom while on-duty is absolutely forbidden. Diapers are available on request.
    1. NOTE: Diapers are no longer available due to shortages. Godspeed. We shit in the dark so they can shit in the light.
  21. Yes, the Security Division employs female personnel. No, you are not allowed to "take one as your waifu."
    1. Your feelings for her, are not real.THEY ARE REAL TO MEEEEEE
  22. Anyone who claims to remember "The Great SD Circlejerk of Site-108" is required to report to Site Command to be administered Class-A amnestics. Nah, we're gonna need an Ennui Protocol for this one. @O5 Council @Travis
  23. Reminiscing of the great CI-TSH war of 2018 is not permitted. Any operative claiming to do so must report to a sound-proof room for a minimum of 24 hours, and may not establish any contact for the duration of their isolation.
  24. Toblerone is the fanciest thing in the world. Per the Overseer's decree, any SD who disagrees with that statement will be executed.
  25. "Who Killed Captain Alex" is the only movie that SD recruits are allowed to watch in their freetime.
  26. Due to previous incidents, SD Recruits are no longer allowed to pilot/drive the following vehicles:
    1. Experimental Heavy Bombers (Seriously guys?)
  27. Though it may seem like a great idea to use a traditional or reinforced bow as a high explosive delivery device, it is not.
  28. The color green is NOT CREATIVE. Those who use it as such must be destroyed to preserve the human race.
  29. Whispering "Tip: Main Gate" in a veteran SD's ear will result in the inevitable death of said veteran being blamed on you.
  30. None of the following types of SD exist: officially
    1. Special Needs Battalion
    2. Armed Janitorial Division
    3. Eltork's Special Slut Service
    4. Plague Troopers
    5. Ghoul Troopers
    6. Ice Troopers
    7. Magma Troopers
    8. Shit Troopers
  31. Complaining about the rations you are issued is not acceptable. Just because you see CM Administration enjoying a Sunday roast, doesn't mean you can go up to the Overseer and slap him in the face with one and expect to live.
  32. Making eye contact any type of contact with any "gamer girls" is strictly forbidden, for your own sake. He will come after you.
  33. Due to recent false alarms, recruits are not to fart and report a SCP-008 outbreak.
  34. Recruits are not to consume their radios after pressing the transmit button.
    1. NOTE: Who the hell wrote this and why?
    2. NOTE: After MD having to deal with multiple cases of intestinal obstruction one of the colonels wrote it down.
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