The Things SD Recruits Are Not Allowed To Do On Site
- When asked to recite the Security Division's motto, none of the following are acceptable:
- "Don't tell the SCU"
- "Spray and pray, it'll probably be fine"
- "We die in the dark because E&T suck at their job"
- "Requesting SURGE lockdown"
- "White suit, P90, and a lifetime of regret"
- "ISD can't stop us now"
- No codeword exists for "Mass Class-D enema" and there will never be one
- A site's warhead detonation is a tragic loss of life and Foundation assets, not a fun activity that warrants celebration.
- Stabbing Class-Ds with knives to make the blade red to "re-enact Revenge of the Sith" is no longer allowed.
- When speaking to female Class-Ds, "I have spoken" is not a valid response to "I don't want to take off my pants"
- Giving Class-Ds P90s and sending them off to fight hostile Groups of Interest is not allowed. It didn't work last time.
- Getting "Tim from E&T" to replace the site alarm with "In the Hall of the Mountain King" is absolutely unacceptable.
- No matter how funny it may be.
- [REDACTED]
- Not even if Jasnax asks nicely.
- If a test is unethical or incredibly dangerous, Security personnel are required to shut it down. Refusing to shut down a test because "It'll make for a great story" is grounds for termination.
- Making home-made action movies with Class-Ds and live ammunition for "monthly movie night" is not allowed. Let Site-75 be the last blood bath.
- Replacing tear gas canisters for use in riots with spray paint is strictly forbidden.
- Trying to request a site change to SCP-2000's security garrison to "make clones of myself" will not be tolerated.
- Superior officers are to be directly addressed by their rank or "SIR/MA'AM," not any of the following:
- "Blonde Redhead - For the Damaged Coda"
- "buddy"
- "retard"
- "http://www.roblox.com/catalog/456610676/Color-changeable-sparkle-time"
- "sir'am"
- "daddy"
- "boomer"
- An SD Recruit's arsenal consists of a P90, TAR-21, Combat Knife, and a pistol. It does not include any of the following:
- Poisonous gas
- Water guns
- Laser guns
- God and anime
- Secret Nazi Wunderwaffe
- The power to influence the Midichlorians to create… life… [[Edit: I think this one may actually be possible. It would explain the influx of levitating SD recently…]]
- "Grenade launchers"
- Releasing SCP-008 in sites based in Germany to "play Nazi Zombies" is grounds for immediate execution.
- Playing audio recordings of SCP-096 in his distressed state over the intercoms is absolutely forbidden, after the "Great Suicide Catastrophe" of Site 13.
- If you join SD, you are required to be a virgin for life. Violations of this rule will be met with execution.
- Recruits are not allowed to identify themselves as a trap. Captain Alexonian was a tragic loss that we do not want repeated.
- Recruits are forbidden from taking part in the terminating of hostile raiders.
- Using the restroom while on-duty is absolutely forbidden. Diapers are available on request.
- NOTE: Diapers are no longer available due to shortages. Godspeed. We shit in the dark so they can shit in the light.
- Yes, the Security Division employs female personnel. No, you are not allowed to "take one as your waifu."
- Your feelings for her, are not real.THEY ARE REAL TO MEEEEEE
- Anyone who claims to remember "The Great SD Circlejerk of Site-108" is required to report to Site Command to be administered Class-A amnestics. Nah, we're gonna need an Ennui Protocol for this one. @O5 Council @Travis
- Reminiscing of the great CI-TSH war of 2018 is not permitted. Any operative claiming to do so must report to a sound-proof room for a minimum of 24 hours, and may not establish any contact for the duration of their isolation.
- Toblerone is the fanciest thing in the world. Per the Overseer's decree, any SD who disagrees with that statement will be executed.
- "Who Killed Captain Alex" is the only movie that SD recruits are allowed to watch in their freetime.
- Due to previous incidents, SD Recruits are no longer allowed to pilot/drive the following vehicles:
- Experimental Heavy Bombers (Seriously guys?)
- Though it may seem like a great idea to use a traditional or reinforced bow as a high explosive delivery device, it is not.
- The color green is NOT CREATIVE. Those who use it as such must be destroyed to preserve the human race.
- Whispering "Tip: Main Gate" in a veteran SD's ear will result in the inevitable death of said veteran being blamed on you.
- None of the following types of SD exist: officially
- Special Needs Battalion
- Armed Janitorial Division
- Eltork's Special Slut Service
- Plague Troopers
- Ghoul Troopers
- Ice Troopers
- Magma Troopers
- Shit Troopers
- Complaining about the rations you are issued is not acceptable. Just because you see CM Administration enjoying a Sunday roast, doesn't mean you can go up to the Overseer and slap him in the face with one and expect to live.
- Making eye contact any type of contact with any "gamer girls" is strictly forbidden, for your own sake. He will come after you.
- Due to recent false alarms, recruits are not to fart and report a SCP-008 outbreak.
- Recruits are not to consume their radios after pressing the transmit button.
- NOTE: Who the hell wrote this and why?
- NOTE: After MD having to deal with multiple cases of intestinal obstruction one of the colonels wrote it down.